drammatical

I'll skip why I've been gone for so long and just dive into what's going on.

The twins are now 13 months old and as adorable as ever! They call me by my first name, their version of it anyway. I swore I heard them say it a few weeks back and both my mother and sister confirmed it was indeed my name. Hmpf! Doesn't matter to me since they still know I'm their mama.

We purchased a house!!! I know right. We (I) never thought it'd happen. After two years of looking we found the perfect house that fits us or we fit in it. Currently we're getting it redone. Won't be living there for another 2 weeks at least. I'm hopeful that we'll be able to spend our first Christmas there. Here's to hoping.

I've started jogging again. I'm committed to at least 9 miles a week. Eek! So far so good except I haven't gone out this week. Must make it out tonight with the twinsies in tow. Smart me packed us all up so we'll be set to go after work.

What else? So much going in life at the moment. So much good stuff. I'm truly blessed for the family I have.

In an attempt to gain some sort of control over my running I decided that the babies and I were going to start running at the Rose Bowl on Saturday mornings... yesterday was our first day...

I've been out of the working out world for some time now so I had no idea what the eff was going on when we got there. N quickly informed me over the phone to "get the hell of there" so I did. There was no way that I was going to let two hours, yes TWO hours, of getting ready time go to waste. I headed to Sierra Madre instead.

N recommended I do the Grandview loop, I had other plans... didn't think I was up for the entire loop so I was going to come back down on Baldwin. Well I ended up going all the way up Santa Anita and then came down Baldwin. With a stroller carrying two 20+lb 10 month olds and a 40lb husky at the hip.

I'm tired. No, I'm exhausted. NO, I'm sore.

Wow. It truly has been quite some time.

I’ve been focusing on the twins, my husband, our dog and myself. These seven months have really flown by. Everyone that has kids always warns you about how fast it goes but you never get it until you experience it for yourself.

The babies are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to us. They have taught us so much about ourselves. Every day is a real blessing.

My husband has started his training back up again. He has been a real inspiration to me and is always my motivator. I still cringe when he tells me his WODs even though he reminds me that I once used to do them too. ::shudder::

Miffy has been great with the babies since day one. I love how she has to greet them whenever we get home. A lick for each one. She has also become very close to N now that my primary focus is on the twins. I do miss how close we were but am grateful for that time.

I have been working hard on keeping my family healthy. Also, working full time, nursing full time, mothering full time, wife full time, etc… keep me very very busy. Reading was such a pleasure and now a luxury. I’ve picked up some new books and have started reading again; hopefully I’ll get to finish three books by year-end. Running has also become a priority for me. I’m sore everyday and curse the start, middle and end of my run… the best part is when I’m in the shower. Agh, all I want is to slowly get myself in better shape. Races and xfit really seem daunting at the moment. I am hopeful that I’ll get myself back sooner than later.

Alright so I didn’t do any type of training on Saturday… or any other day after that… So, hopefully the forecast is right and I’ll be seeing some stars on Saturday.

I’m also thinking about my options as far as workout times go… Currently I’m considering going for runs at 4:30am… and build from there.

I also started logging food in and strictly zoning at breakfast while semi-zoning all other meals. Snacks are usually zone and I’ve been focusing on protein and veggies. Trying to stay away from processed crap. Baby steps.

This is me owning up to it.

Saturday will be the start of Mt. Wilson training. If you would have asked me back when I was pregnant if I would partake I would have said yes right away… three months later this training, and all training for that matter, has been on the top 10 things I think about, DAILY. Even though I do not plan on racing I want to train. For my health, my mind and to have “fun” with folks I haven’t seen in a really really REALLY long time.

Not racing… Well it seems impossible to race. I nurse and will still be doing so by the time race day comes around. Then there’s the fact that we have TWO infants and ONE adult running the race already. I offered N the race this year and next year he promised it in return. So there it is, I’m not racing because I want to see my husband at the finish line with two well fed babies.

Training sucks, it’s hard. Yes, yes it is and that’s why I want to train. I haven’t felt “sucks” in a long time with regard to physical exercise. I need the feeling of wanting to puke again to know I’m doing my body right if that makes any sense. Also, I’m hopeful that this will gradually get me back to Xfit. At this time I only have one day, and that’s iffy at best, that I can actually go to the Academy. I’m not sure one day is even worth the effort, $ & time.

It’s Thursday and as of today I plan on being at the training, crying and all…

I just am. My issue(s) is/are that I want to do it all, ALL. No one can do it the exact way that I want it done therefore I don't bother asking anyone to do it, any of it.

We hired a housekeeper and already I want to get rid of her. She's just not fulfilling my expectations. I find myself cleaning again, after she's done it herself. The point was to free up my time not make more work for me...

Food. My god it has been a disaster. I was eating so good and healthy before I had the babies. Now... ugh! Really need to organize myself and start cooking again. I'll even freeze meals if I have to.

Work. Is taking its toll. Luckily I'm not going in to downtown but still have a commute. Then there's the two week long trips I have to take this summer. I'm stressing for N.

Housing. Yes we're still looking but there is absolutly nothing out there that fits. So fuckingfrusturated about this one the most.

Me. I have so many outstanding appointments and giftcards. Need to make some time for me. Also, I miss xfit. At the moment it just can't work, financialy and schedule wise. *sigh*

Who knew that being a mom was so much work... har har har.

Well we're finally getting into a routine but with the holidays here it's been super busy plus I'm back at work. Also, I'm starting my running again. So far I've been out twice a week for the last two weeks. This is a BIG accomplishment for me. Can't seem to leave my little babies!

For now here's something to enjoy until I get back to blogging for reals. Looking at this pic you would have never guessed that those little chubbies were born at 33 weeks. They're 8 weeks now.

The babies came home on Monday evening. This is day three and we've already settled in. I must thank the awesome nurses in the NICU unit for doing such a great job with my babies and establishing a schedule for us.

N is on vacation next week and it will be so nice to finally have all of us together without having to think of work. Also, I'm planning on attending a baby shower that I'm cohosting on Saturday so N will be alone for a bit... The babies are so good on their schedule that I have no worries. Neil on the other hand...

I've been feeling great, just short on sleep. Everyone says to sleep while they sleep but that's easier said than done. There's just so much to do. Also, I really can't wait till I get the okay to start running again. Yes, I want to run. Because I had an emergency c-sec I have to wait till I see my doctor in a few weeks. It's not about weight but just about the feeling I get when I run... well afterwards when I'm done. Honestly I think that I'm very close to my prepregnancy weight. My belly looks like it did before babies, a little round. ;-p Not like I was a small girl beforehand.

We're just enjoying our little babies and can't believe how much they've already grown and changed in these past two weeks.

I'll post official later, no time now.

We're all doing great. Babies need a few weeks in the NICU but they're doing awesome already!

Baby A Girl - 3 lbs 14.5 oz and 17 inches
Baby B Boy - 4 lbs 11 oz and 17 inches

We leave to Ixtapa in 48 hours, oh yeah!

I think we are both just ready to camp out at LAX tonight but we still have some last minute shopping and packing to do, and work [ugh]. There is snorkel gear to buy, Miffy supplies to pack for her weeklong stay with family and then all of our stuff. So much to do so little time.

This vacation is a special one though. It will mark our last as a couple, alone. Our last “easy” vacation as I like to joke. One without car seats, strollers, baby gear, babies, etc. It’s special. Not to say that when the parlay arrives our vacations won’t be special, it’s just a special couple vacation as a unit of two.

We will definitely enjoy every single minute of our time in Mexico and we will also enjoy each other as much as possible.

"Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration."

This pretty much sums up my life at the moment.

Today marks our 13th anniversary. Whoa. Sad that I'm stuck in another city and not home with N to celebrate this day as we always do, like the two silly teenagers we were when we first meet. Amazingly we've both grown up so much, and together. Who would have thought that today we'd both have careers, a husky that's nuts but awesome, love, and two avocados on the way...

I love you W.N.D.

So we’re expecting some babies in time for Christmas. I’m sure most, if not all, four of my readers knew that by now… If not surprise!

With this news many ups and downs have been experienced. First and foremost N and I are ecstatic with our upcoming gifts. We really cannot wait, or maybe we can for the remaining five months. I personally have always always always wanted twinsies! I know I’m somewhat wrong in the head, but I did and well I’ve been granted my wish. I think I’m really excited to see what/who they’ll look like, kiss those little cheeks and just experience being a mother.

I have a very close relationship with my mom. It wasn’t always like that. We did not get along much when I was a cranky teenager and I’d been a daddy’s girl growing up. However, once I grew out of that annoying I-know-it-all stage we really connected. Anyway, I believe our relationship is the way it is because of our willingness to have open minds. Of course we don’t always see eye to eye on things but we at least understand and respect each other’s opinions. This is something that I cannot wait to share with my own children.

Something else that I clearly remember from my childhood is my mom always being there. She was a stay at home mama for the majority of my elementary days. After that she worked fulltime. Nonetheless I remember her being there and having that feeling of security that my mother would be there no matter what. Little A also got to experience the same thing and he too is close with our mom. This makes me sad about my little ones. They won’t get to experience that assurance. I’ve made the decision to continue working and have someone else care for them while out there…

So this is where the downs come into play. Many people in learning of my “situation” automatically assume that I’ll become a stay at home mom. When I clear this up for them they seem to give me a judgmental look. Heck some have even come so far as to ask WHO will watch them. Uh, none of your damn business! How will we afford TWO babies? WTF kind of question is that? Am I happy? Is N happy? Again I ask, WTF!? Seriously people what is wrong with you? But the most annoying is the assumption and expectance that I become a stay at home mom.

Why is it that in this century people are still hung up on women having families AND *gasp* careers? Is this still 19XX pre women’s liberation? I never have associated myself with being an ultra feminist but I am now being treated as one. People can’t seem to grasp that I have a *gulp* career and *sigh* no desire to stay at home… This of course is not to say that I don’t respect anyone staying at home to take care of their children. I commend and truly respect those women and men. I just don’t want to do it. Not my cup of tea. Kind of like when my father wanted me to become an LAPD officer and I looked at him like he was from Mars. Yeah, not me. So why then is there still double standards, expectations, judgment and just plan arrogance in 2009 with respect to women and children? Am I crazy to expect open minds? Probably.

So I’m here in Sacramento. Ugh. Allergy HELL.

Well last week I managed to run a lot and since I stayed in downtown I walked a bit too. My office is about 1.2 miles from where I stayed at.

This week I’m staying somewhere outside of the city and have a car. I have yet to make it into the gym for some real work but I did walk in to check it out this morning. UGH! It’s the size of a closet and the equipment is so close together I could stand in the middle and touch it all. I’m really going to need to find other accommodations for next week. That or find a xfit affiliate down here.

Today I promise to do 4 rounds of 400 meter runs and 35 squats.

I miss lifting heavy stuff.

House
We finally saw our house this weekend. It’s perfect in every way and the location is prime. It would work for N and me and our families too. It is only a 2-bedroom but we can expand later. I really really really want this house. Too bad it’s too much $$$.

Work
Has been killing me. Can’t make it to any of my morning classes and by the time I get home I’m too exhausted to move. I’ve been averaging about 10 miles a week with my dog though. We’ve been going out every night at about 8ish, it’s so cool to run in the dark. Hopefully this week I’ll get back to regular schedule and make it to at least Tuesday and Thursday’s xfit classes.
Oh, and it looks like I’ll be heading up north. North north. Ugh.

N
I can’t believe how in shape he’s gotten! I mean it’s been less than one year since he got his knee surgery and he only started running in December/January. He has the heart and head and I’m so very lucky to have found him and kept him.

Miffy
Is doing awesome. We can’t believe how comfortable she’s gotten. We’re able to leave her alone, without the kennel and she does great. No chewing on stuff or barking or anything. The only mischief she’s gotten into is getting up on the couch for naps when we’re away.

Thoughts
Even though we’ve found a house we both like (love for me) I know it’s out of our budget and will let it go. I’ll still keep an eye on it and hopefully it will stay on the market for a few more months. If it doesn’t well then it doesn’t and I’m not going to get upset over it. Eventually we’ll find something perfect, location, design, size and price-wise.

I’m really unmotivated about my next assignment. I’ve been dreading having to travel, especially since we got Miffy. I always joked with N if we had kids how he would do it when I’d leave for weeks on end. Well Miffy is no child but she sure does require lots of attention. I’m planning on having some help in the form or younger siblings come over in shifts to help N out.

Something else, I don’t want to leave N. It really sucks being married, to someone you actually enjoy being around, and having to leave for months only to see them for a total of two days out of a seven day week. Sigh. I know this is part of the package I signed up for, I know this is my job/career but I can still complain about it, and will. Hopefully my boss’s assurance of this being a “quick job” will pan out and I’ll only be gone for one month.

We’ve been looking for a house for quite some time now. Months and countless Saturday AND Sunday afternoons and sometimes mornings. It sucks. There’s nothing out there. Nada! At least nothing that’s priced right and has oh let’s see a kitchen! Not one that’s been gutted that you really don’t even know in what room you’re standing in. Oh, which brings me to my other issue. What part does no sinks, doors, missing floors scream turnkey!?!?!!!!

Now I know we’re no Bush family but come on we do have stable jobs and make reasonable salaries. Hell we even have a freakin’ downeffinpayment. So why is it so hard to find something? Why? WHY!

I hate house shopping. I hate homeowners. I hate that I don’t have a house yet.

I hate that I’m about to give up.

me. We've been so freakin' busy it's insane.

- Trying to finish reading Paula. Still have New Moon on loan from the library that will be due soon. Ugh! Can't believe I haven't even read two books this year.

- Looking at houses sucks. Between trying to compromise on location the houses just plain suck. Most are still overpriced and even more need a lot of work, a LOT.

- Haven't been to the parentals in two weeks! Argh they are going to disown me soon.

- Sleep. My naps have been eliminated and that makes me sad. Why can't days be 32 hours long?

- Taxes. Need to send them in. I'm so busy they've been sitting in my bag for a whole week and I can't even make it to the post office. Hell, we're even getting money back.

- My arms and shoulders are killing me. Arms are due to Crossfit shoulders are due to poor ergonomics here in the office.

There's so much more on my plate so now you know what's been going on. Told you I wasn't lying. And no, I'm not avoiding you...

So we all survived Friday night’s adventure. Wow was that an adventure. It was so fun, challenging, exciting, everything but frightening.

There was snow, lot’s and lot’s of snow that turned out to be my Achilles heel. The cold air, high elevation, snow and steep hills were not a good combo for my lungs/breathing. I felt awful that my lungs suck and that I was holding my team back. Fortunately, I was teamed up with a group of awesome men that not only understood but helped me. They did nothing but encourage me and made sure my asthma was in check. Those guys were truly awesome and I couldn’t have asked for a better team.

We were down by about 1:30ish the next morning. This was not a 7 mile run. We were not expected to finish at 10:30pm as had been initially stated. I called N as soon as we got to Sierra Madre and he was asleep! ASLEEP! Here I was thinking that he’d be worried. Hmpf! He told me that he knew that we wouldn’t be done by 10:30pm, more like 1am. He also added that both Q and E had his number in case I would have fallen off the cliff or something…

Our team didn’t get lost but we didn’t take a turn we were supposed to and ended up backtracking. It was a 2.8 mile lesson. We also decided to take another route out of the mountain. Most of us had run out of water and that was a bit of a concern. We finished at Eaton Canyon and got a ride back to Sierra Madre. Honestly, the only area where I did get concerned was at the ranger station. There were these creepy looking cabins and then the guys were talking about lotions in baskets…

All in all I would so do this again, like next week if possible. This was a great Pioneer run!

Currently I have this lingering cough but other than that I’m feeling great. This is probably due to the rocks I didn’t step on when crossing the streams. No injuries and soreness so I’m ready for another week of life.

Since I woke up this morning at 4AM only to find Miffy sleeping on the couch I thought this post was appropriate. BTW, she is NOT allowed on our couch, chairs, bed, laps...

Tomorrow I’ll be doing a run through some trails in the dark with A, R and 21 other runners. We have no idea where we’ll start all we know is that we have a list of required gear and snow will be involved. End point is Lucky B’s, which can’t come any sooner.

Reasons why I signed up for this adventurous run:

Fear – I’m afraid of Mountain Lions. Also afraid of being out in the wildness at night. Since I’ve committed to myself to overcome my stupid fears I decided that I need to do this.

Fun – Believe it or not this really sounds fun! Not only will I be getting to experience something new I’ll be doing it with people that are dear to me. Plus, that Lucky B’s end point doesn’t sound half bad.

Comfort – I need to get out of my routine and zone. This is a sure way to catapult me in the right direction.

Experience – In my head I contemplate doing the Mt. Disappointment run. I’m NOT saying that I’m doing this, just considering it for the future, like three years from now or something. Since the race could take up to ten hours to complete there’s definitely some running in the dark, on the trails.

I feel that this run will help develop myself mentally. I need some of that. Physically I’m definitely not the strongest but I have an idea of what to do and what’s been holding me back. As far as mental challenges, I need some more.

Please pray to the virgencita that we all make it back in one piece, without any chunks missing.