drammatical

I just am. My issue(s) is/are that I want to do it all, ALL. No one can do it the exact way that I want it done therefore I don't bother asking anyone to do it, any of it.

We hired a housekeeper and already I want to get rid of her. She's just not fulfilling my expectations. I find myself cleaning again, after she's done it herself. The point was to free up my time not make more work for me...

Food. My god it has been a disaster. I was eating so good and healthy before I had the babies. Now... ugh! Really need to organize myself and start cooking again. I'll even freeze meals if I have to.

Work. Is taking its toll. Luckily I'm not going in to downtown but still have a commute. Then there's the two week long trips I have to take this summer. I'm stressing for N.

Housing. Yes we're still looking but there is absolutly nothing out there that fits. So fuckingfrusturated about this one the most.

Me. I have so many outstanding appointments and giftcards. Need to make some time for me. Also, I miss xfit. At the moment it just can't work, financialy and schedule wise. *sigh*

House
We finally saw our house this weekend. It’s perfect in every way and the location is prime. It would work for N and me and our families too. It is only a 2-bedroom but we can expand later. I really really really want this house. Too bad it’s too much $$$.

Work
Has been killing me. Can’t make it to any of my morning classes and by the time I get home I’m too exhausted to move. I’ve been averaging about 10 miles a week with my dog though. We’ve been going out every night at about 8ish, it’s so cool to run in the dark. Hopefully this week I’ll get back to regular schedule and make it to at least Tuesday and Thursday’s xfit classes.
Oh, and it looks like I’ll be heading up north. North north. Ugh.

N
I can’t believe how in shape he’s gotten! I mean it’s been less than one year since he got his knee surgery and he only started running in December/January. He has the heart and head and I’m so very lucky to have found him and kept him.

Miffy
Is doing awesome. We can’t believe how comfortable she’s gotten. We’re able to leave her alone, without the kennel and she does great. No chewing on stuff or barking or anything. The only mischief she’s gotten into is getting up on the couch for naps when we’re away.

Thoughts
Even though we’ve found a house we both like (love for me) I know it’s out of our budget and will let it go. I’ll still keep an eye on it and hopefully it will stay on the market for a few more months. If it doesn’t well then it doesn’t and I’m not going to get upset over it. Eventually we’ll find something perfect, location, design, size and price-wise.

I’m really unmotivated about my next assignment. I’ve been dreading having to travel, especially since we got Miffy. I always joked with N if we had kids how he would do it when I’d leave for weeks on end. Well Miffy is no child but she sure does require lots of attention. I’m planning on having some help in the form or younger siblings come over in shifts to help N out.

Something else, I don’t want to leave N. It really sucks being married, to someone you actually enjoy being around, and having to leave for months only to see them for a total of two days out of a seven day week. Sigh. I know this is part of the package I signed up for, I know this is my job/career but I can still complain about it, and will. Hopefully my boss’s assurance of this being a “quick job” will pan out and I’ll only be gone for one month.

We’ve been looking for a house for quite some time now. Months and countless Saturday AND Sunday afternoons and sometimes mornings. It sucks. There’s nothing out there. Nada! At least nothing that’s priced right and has oh let’s see a kitchen! Not one that’s been gutted that you really don’t even know in what room you’re standing in. Oh, which brings me to my other issue. What part does no sinks, doors, missing floors scream turnkey!?!?!!!!

Now I know we’re no Bush family but come on we do have stable jobs and make reasonable salaries. Hell we even have a freakin’ downeffinpayment. So why is it so hard to find something? Why? WHY!

I hate house shopping. I hate homeowners. I hate that I don’t have a house yet.

I hate that I’m about to give up.