drammatical

I'll skip why I've been gone for so long and just dive into what's going on.

The twins are now 13 months old and as adorable as ever! They call me by my first name, their version of it anyway. I swore I heard them say it a few weeks back and both my mother and sister confirmed it was indeed my name. Hmpf! Doesn't matter to me since they still know I'm their mama.

We purchased a house!!! I know right. We (I) never thought it'd happen. After two years of looking we found the perfect house that fits us or we fit in it. Currently we're getting it redone. Won't be living there for another 2 weeks at least. I'm hopeful that we'll be able to spend our first Christmas there. Here's to hoping.

I've started jogging again. I'm committed to at least 9 miles a week. Eek! So far so good except I haven't gone out this week. Must make it out tonight with the twinsies in tow. Smart me packed us all up so we'll be set to go after work.

What else? So much going in life at the moment. So much good stuff. I'm truly blessed for the family I have.

In an attempt to gain some sort of control over my running I decided that the babies and I were going to start running at the Rose Bowl on Saturday mornings... yesterday was our first day...

I've been out of the working out world for some time now so I had no idea what the eff was going on when we got there. N quickly informed me over the phone to "get the hell of there" so I did. There was no way that I was going to let two hours, yes TWO hours, of getting ready time go to waste. I headed to Sierra Madre instead.

N recommended I do the Grandview loop, I had other plans... didn't think I was up for the entire loop so I was going to come back down on Baldwin. Well I ended up going all the way up Santa Anita and then came down Baldwin. With a stroller carrying two 20+lb 10 month olds and a 40lb husky at the hip.

I'm tired. No, I'm exhausted. NO, I'm sore.

Wow. It truly has been quite some time.

I’ve been focusing on the twins, my husband, our dog and myself. These seven months have really flown by. Everyone that has kids always warns you about how fast it goes but you never get it until you experience it for yourself.

The babies are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to us. They have taught us so much about ourselves. Every day is a real blessing.

My husband has started his training back up again. He has been a real inspiration to me and is always my motivator. I still cringe when he tells me his WODs even though he reminds me that I once used to do them too. ::shudder::

Miffy has been great with the babies since day one. I love how she has to greet them whenever we get home. A lick for each one. She has also become very close to N now that my primary focus is on the twins. I do miss how close we were but am grateful for that time.

I have been working hard on keeping my family healthy. Also, working full time, nursing full time, mothering full time, wife full time, etc… keep me very very busy. Reading was such a pleasure and now a luxury. I’ve picked up some new books and have started reading again; hopefully I’ll get to finish three books by year-end. Running has also become a priority for me. I’m sore everyday and curse the start, middle and end of my run… the best part is when I’m in the shower. Agh, all I want is to slowly get myself in better shape. Races and xfit really seem daunting at the moment. I am hopeful that I’ll get myself back sooner than later.

Alright so I didn’t do any type of training on Saturday… or any other day after that… So, hopefully the forecast is right and I’ll be seeing some stars on Saturday.

I’m also thinking about my options as far as workout times go… Currently I’m considering going for runs at 4:30am… and build from there.

I also started logging food in and strictly zoning at breakfast while semi-zoning all other meals. Snacks are usually zone and I’ve been focusing on protein and veggies. Trying to stay away from processed crap. Baby steps.

This is me owning up to it.

Saturday will be the start of Mt. Wilson training. If you would have asked me back when I was pregnant if I would partake I would have said yes right away… three months later this training, and all training for that matter, has been on the top 10 things I think about, DAILY. Even though I do not plan on racing I want to train. For my health, my mind and to have “fun” with folks I haven’t seen in a really really REALLY long time.

Not racing… Well it seems impossible to race. I nurse and will still be doing so by the time race day comes around. Then there’s the fact that we have TWO infants and ONE adult running the race already. I offered N the race this year and next year he promised it in return. So there it is, I’m not racing because I want to see my husband at the finish line with two well fed babies.

Training sucks, it’s hard. Yes, yes it is and that’s why I want to train. I haven’t felt “sucks” in a long time with regard to physical exercise. I need the feeling of wanting to puke again to know I’m doing my body right if that makes any sense. Also, I’m hopeful that this will gradually get me back to Xfit. At this time I only have one day, and that’s iffy at best, that I can actually go to the Academy. I’m not sure one day is even worth the effort, $ & time.

It’s Thursday and as of today I plan on being at the training, crying and all…

I just am. My issue(s) is/are that I want to do it all, ALL. No one can do it the exact way that I want it done therefore I don't bother asking anyone to do it, any of it.

We hired a housekeeper and already I want to get rid of her. She's just not fulfilling my expectations. I find myself cleaning again, after she's done it herself. The point was to free up my time not make more work for me...

Food. My god it has been a disaster. I was eating so good and healthy before I had the babies. Now... ugh! Really need to organize myself and start cooking again. I'll even freeze meals if I have to.

Work. Is taking its toll. Luckily I'm not going in to downtown but still have a commute. Then there's the two week long trips I have to take this summer. I'm stressing for N.

Housing. Yes we're still looking but there is absolutly nothing out there that fits. So fuckingfrusturated about this one the most.

Me. I have so many outstanding appointments and giftcards. Need to make some time for me. Also, I miss xfit. At the moment it just can't work, financialy and schedule wise. *sigh*